by the author of Negotiating the non negotiable by Daniel Shaipro
For the non-negotiable talks like politics
Problem is we have fallen into a tribal trap that we must not have to believe what the other side says and try to prove them wrong to bring ourselves up.
The problem is not what we are arguing on but how we are. There are three barriers that we have to overcome;
- Identity
- Appreciation
- Affiliation
Identity
Why do we feel so why do we feel so emotional in this conflict situation because we feel our identity is being attacked, or core values and beliefs. When our identity gets hooked, our emotions get stronger. When emotions take over, we lose. We have to see what our values are and believe that they are driving me to stand on this point the more you understand your beliefs and core values the more you can stay focused.
So we have to find our identity and values and see if they are worthy to be stood upon.
Appreciation
When you are in a conflict try to listen at least for 10 minutes to the other side and try to get their perspective on what they are standing for. And then say that I get your point but you know what! (this is a great way to talk ).
Recognize the power of your appreciation.
Everyone wants to be appreciated but very few want to appreciate, so if you do it first you make your good immersion on the other side.
Affiliation
Make a connection between you and the other side. We typically approach these conflict situations as me and my perspective versus yours. That’s going to leave us like rams butting heads.
Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner.
Instead find some common ground like two of us facing the same problem and talk how can we get our interests met at the same time and change the direction of the conversation.
What if we do it?
If we follow these things, now it’s no longer me vs you but the two of us vs the same shared problem.
Ask the other person what your advice is so that we both can get our interests met at the same time.
The Conclusion
Imagine if we started a revolution but a positive revolution of greater understanding, greater appreciation and greater affiliation. How we could transform our politics, our country and possibly our world!
I believe it’s possible but it starts with each one of us
The reference taken
Moon's Blog 